I'm here, I'm here!!

Hey folks.  Just wanted to drop in and say - I really am still here.  Things have been busy.  But that is good.  Banded life is better.  I recommitted last fall, and have had another 3 fills since then.  I'm down just short of 50#'s now.  I'm steadily losing pounds.  Its a good thing.

See!  You can actually see a difference!

Part of this is that I think I'm finally at a point where I actually have restriction.  Just with these last two fills I've figured out that I actually have a tool requiring behavior modification!  The other part of this is that I am actually moving.  I got myself an activity tracker (I have a jawbone up24) and started using that gym membership I pay for every month.

Here is me - post treadmill workout.  And guess what.  I'm actually doing things!  I "ran" for 22.5 minutes the other day.  IN A ROW.  AND DIDN'T DIE!  woo-hoo!  

Anyway,  I got back on my blog page, and am kind of sad that there are a lot of people I started this journey that aren't on the same journey anymore.  Lots of us stopped posting after a year.  This journey is hard.  I know that.  I fell off the wagon big time.  But the good thing is, we can pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and keep on keepin' on.  

While I'd like to say I'll be posting a lot,  chances are it won't be as often as my pre-surgery excitement posts.  That energy is hard to beat.  But it will be more frequent then it has been.  

Going off the rails on the C-R-A-Z-Y train!

I've noticed a little something lately.  I've noticed that I'm a little crazy.  Emotions overboard lately.  I've always been a little emotional, but frankly its becoming a bit too much.

Let me run a couple of examples by you.

I'm currently in the process of assisting with the training of a service dog.  Its for a great cause.  I've been involved with the organization for a while.  The dog is adorable (see pics below)

 

However, Friday night, I went to my dad's house for our first fall firepit.  Chill time to hang out.  The puppy backed into the table and knocked my drink off.  Mind you this was a diet coke.  Not even a "good drink."  What happens, I break into tears.  TEARS I tell you! Really?

Then, Saturday, we were at training class.  This week's outing was going to a Halloween store.  My puppy has a hard time with parking lots.  It took us a long time to cross the parking lot and even get to the store.  There were 7 other dogs there of various ages and when walking around the sidewalk they were all doing well.  My puppy  not so much.  She gets a little freaked out around cars, and this shopping center was CRAZY busy.  So what happened when one of the advanced trainers came to ask how we were doing.... you guessed it, complete and total meltdown!  Tears again.  For real, standing on the sidewalk in public just crying.

So I ask you, as it is no where near *that time of the month* why the heck am I so crazy lately??

For real, I'm up to suggestions.  I don't feel depressed, I'm not avoiding my life.  I just don't know what is UP with me!

9 months later

9 months,  its been 9 months since I blogged.  I could have had a kid by now.  I didn't :-)  Instead, I've been avoiding my band for a long time.  I hadn't been back to the doctor since last September.  That is a long damn time!  I still went to the support group meeting once a month that my hospital provides.  I sat, I listened, I got grumpy, and then I got real.  I had a minor breakdown a few months ago, and finally let the people at the meeting talk me into making the big return appointment.  When your doc is known for being a bit "mean" (okay, real, but its not fluffy, real talks) and you've been away for 7 months, and you've gained back most of the weight you've lost (I was back up to 306) it can be a very daunting experience to go back.

But damn, 306,  while it wasn't up to my heaviest, I crossed back over the 300 mark and that was not okay.  So I made the appt.  I bit the bullet, and took my beating (verbally).  We talked about how I had a major life changing incident (the car wreck) and then just totally jumped off track.  I got a fill.  A good one (though I didn't get to see the exact amount).  In fact,  I think I finally understand how this thing is supposed to work.

That re-commitment was on Wednesday, August 14th.  I went back this past week for my 8 week checkup and I was down.  I was down 16lbs!  That is 2lbs a week!  I will take it!

We decided since I'm losing well, that we didn't need another fill, and I've scheduled another 12 weeks out.  I want to lose another 15 lbs before I go back.  Thats a big goal for me.  I have about 2 lbs until my lowest I've ever been (since the start of this journey), and 15 lbs would put me in the 270's... somewhere I haven't seen for probably 10 years.

But its doable.  It will be done.

Random musings and personality questions

I really am trying to get better at the blogging.  I am getting better at tracking.  I've tracked everyday this week on MFP and now have 4 friends on there!  2 of which are bloggy friends - YEAH!  User name is sjsanto if anybody else wants to join the party.  So far so good with regards to the tracking.  Its a lot different than WW points - The numbers are so much BIGGER!

So I go back to WW for my weigh in tomorrow night.  First official weigh in since pre-holidays... I really am hoping to be able to talk my sister into forgoing the WW and sticking with MFP.  I can weigh myself naked in the am rather than clothed in the evening - and save myself $80 a month!  I sent her a friend request, she created an account, but hasn't tracked anything.  Shes younger than me, and has been heavier less, so I'm thinking she's just not there yet.  I want to support her, but really need to focus on me.  

Which brings me to my next point.  I"m always so worried about what other people are thinking, saying, feeling, etc.  It kind of sucks.  I mean - really its helpful, especially since I work in healthcare, but really it is kind of draining.  Not only am I always thinking - but I'm constantly comparing.  Since I've gotten back on track I keep reading your blogs and noticing just how much i'm "behind" the people that got banded around the same time as me.  I know, I know.  Everyone looses differently.  And heck, I'm the first to say I'm not exactly an exercise machine.  But its hard.  I'm a competitive person.  And if I can't win, succeed, get first place, than why do it at all :-(

A few years ago, my sister, who works in corporate finance, gave us all a book for christmas that was called Strengthfinder 2.0 by Tom Rath.  It has a quiz and gives you a list of your top 5 strengths.  Without boring you with the excel charts and comparisons (yes my family is full of geeks) My top five are:

top 5 for sara

Input

You are inquisitive. You collect things. You might collect information—words, facts, books, and quotations—or you might collect tangible objects such as butterflies, baseball cards, porcelain dolls, or sepia photographs. 

Significance

You want to be very significant in the eyes of other people. In the truest sense of the word you want to be recognized. You want to be heard. You want to stand out. 

Ideation

Yours is the kind of mind that is always looking for connections, and so you are intrigued when seemingly disparate phenomena can be linked by an obscure connection. 

Competition

Competition is rooted in comparison. When you look at the world, you are instinctively aware of other people's performance. Their performance is the ultimate yardstick. No matter how hard you tried, no matter how worthy your intentions, if you reached your goal but did not outperform your peers, the achievement feels hollow. Over time you will come to avoid contests where winning seems unlikely.

Futuristic

"Wouldn't it be great if . . ." You are the kind of person who loves to peer over the horizon. The future fascinates you. As if it were projected on the wall, you see in detail what the future might hold, and this detailed picture keeps pulling you forward, into tomorrow. When the present proves too frustrating and the people around you too pragmatic, you conjure up your visions of the future and they energize you.

The two that I want to bring attention to are Significance and Competition - basically it says that not only to I compete at everything - but I want to you to tell me I'm doing a good job while I'm doing it. Its hard because I don't feel like I can tell myself I'm doing a good job. Because if I'm being honest with myself, I'm not. I eat crappy foods (less of them, yes, on most days) but still very crappy. I don't exercise ( yes my ankle is still busted, but I could probably do some weight lifting / or gentle yoga. I even break the cardinal rule and drink while I'm eating occasionally. Its no good. And change is hard folks.


Without sounding like a broken record, I know that I can only change the choices from now on. Which is why I've started back to tracking, and #1 on my list tomorrow is to call a PT to help rehab my ankle back to its normal (albeit shaky) strength and move forward.


So Congrats to you for making it to the end of my most long winded (and definitely somewhat depressing) post. In good spirit, it is now time for a stretch break. ** In all fairness, I did not create this, but snagged it from Pinterest**

Blast from the Past

Hey folks -

I know, I know... its been a while.  A few months in fact.  The fact is, life got busy and I got lazy with regards to my band.  It surprises me that it happened that quickly.  But, from reading all of your posts  (i'm still keeping up!) and the thousands of other internet blogs, posts etc, I know that this is not the end, and I only have to make the commitment to start again.

So to be horribly cliche, its a new year, and I'm beginning again.  I joined my fitness pal (sjsanto) and am looking for friends, if you use it as well.  I'm still going to WW but do to some financial changes I'm trying to move my sister and I to a "free" version (I've been supporting her for the 2 years - $80 a month in fees is killing me!)

Quick updates of the last couple of months - I started back to grad school - Went on Vacation - and totaled my car.  I hobbled away with a badly sprained ankle and some bruises, but the car was totaled, hence the "financial changes"

We'll start with some pics of my vacation - This was the solo cruise I took to the Caribbean   It was absolutely fantastic!  I went completely on my own, but met some fabulous people, had a great time and had some new experiences.

With regards to the wreck - Lets just say ouch.  Almost 6 weeks later, my ankle is still wonky, and hurts to walk on for any period of time.  Which has made gym work nearly impossible.  I'm going to start back with gentle yoga this week, and seek out a physical therapist next week to help figure out what I can do to get healed.

Just in case you were wondering - Heres a few pics of the wreck -


Yes, the last one is my beloved Ipad - No, I was not actually using it when I wrecked, but I was putting it away.  Do not drive while distracted.  Its no good!

I just want to say thanks to you all for sticking with me through my hiatus - I've been following your posts!  I was kind of scared that I'd come back and have no followers to speak of, so I'm very glad that is not the case!

so much for wkly blogging - life's been crazy!

I know I said I was going to be blogging at least weekly.  I have to say, last night was the first night I've slept a true "sleep" in probably 2 weeks.  Life has been insane!

A couple of weeks ago, we had finals week at school so I pulled an actual all nighter, to grade finals.  UGH.  I haven't done that since college! At least in college I could usually find time throughout the day to catch a nap.  Nope... Now that I'm a working adult I had to stay busy until 5 the day after!  The all nighter was partly due to the fact that my mom's birthday was the night before.  My sister (who has been living in Colombia, South America for 2 years ) was back in town, so we went out for my Mom's birthday.  We have a place called Uptown Art in town, where normal people can go and feel like they are an artist :-)  It is nice because, while you all do the same picture, everybody's own skills make it slightly different.  They serve wine and appetizers and its a nice night.  But I didn't get home till 10:30, so I didn't start my grading till after that!

Then last week, we had this little thing called my sister's wedding.  All sorts of stuff going on.  Both sides of the family were in town, and since they no longer talk (after the divorce) me and the rest of my siblings spent most of the week going back and forth between events.  Here's a pic of the family with both brothers-in-law. 

It really was a great experience all the way around.  Though, it reiterated the fact that I am not made to wear 4 inch heels.  OUCH!

In between all this, I've been working on my own school work.  Did I mention before I started grad school again?  I'm so bad!  I can't pass up free school so I started an MBA program.  My previous degrees I was able to just go with the flow on.  This one is so different!  It is a totally new language for me.  So i find myself looking up terms in the glossary and taking twice as long to do assignments than I should.  Grr!  In fact, I should be working on my final paper right now.

So, on the band front things are going better.  I went in a couple of weeks ago, and got an itty bitty baby fill (.5 CC) and a big talking to from the doc.  He thinks I'm fighting the band.  Chewing too much and eating too slow, so that I can still eat more than I need.  :-(

I have had two weeks of losses, which is good.  I even lost 2.2 lbs the week of the wedding.  I think it is actually because we were so busy and ate out a lot.  I do better when I'm busy and actually do pretty good when we eat out.  At home I go back to grazing which adds up to bigger calorie counts. 

So, I'm moving in the right direction.  Now that wedding is over etc, hopefully life settles a bit and I can get back on track with my C25k.  

Week 1 on the new goals

I'm here.  I said I was going to be checking in more often, and I really am.  I lost this week!  -1.6 to 299.4

I'm back under the ugly 300 and I'm really planning on staying under it!

I go in this week for my next visit with my doc, and I'm not looking forward to the "talkin' to" that I'll probably get.  I definitely don't feel like I'm in any sort of "green zone"  Some breads give me a rough time, but if there isn't breads, I can eat way more than I need to.  I have been trying to stop anyway, but it just doesn't keep me full.  So, I'm looking for another fill this week.

I am keeping up with the rest of my goals though.  I've been at the gym, continuing my C25K prep.  I just finished week 3 today.  Next week comes the dreaded 5 minute jog.  Yikes!

On the life side - My sister is getting married next week and so I've got a TON of stuff to get done this week in prep.  I have people staying with me while they are in town and I hate that since I'm always worried they are judging me for my decor / organization etc.

Anyway, I'm here, I'm progressing (slow, but moving forward) and while I'm not posting a ton, I still read all of yours, so please keep putting it out there.  I get my inspiration from you guys!

Checking in

Its been just under a month since my last post.  This fits my typical scenerio in that I "obsess" over things at first, and then slowly fall off the path.

Here's what's been going on with me.

Eating - amount of food has definitely gone down, but I'm eating small quantities of bad foods.  I have horrible cravings for salty crunchies... I have always been one that could pass over all sorts of chocolate for some yummy chips and dip.  Any suggestions of other foods to satisfy the craving without the calories of the chips?

Drinking - I have been increasing my water, averaging about 40 oz a day.  Still not near what I should be, but let me say, that is a HUGE improvement over what I did in the past.

Exercise - Here's the part where I really feel like I've made some progress.  For the last 3 weeks I have been at the gym a minimum of 3 times a week, sweating hard!  I had been doing water aerobics, and while it was moving, I didn't really feel like I was working hard.  So, I've given into peer pressure from my real life friends and started a couch-to-5k program.  I'm in the middle of week 2 and so far, so good.  I have always been athletic, and enjoy movement, but would like to be able to jog a block without dying!  We've been doing Yoga after the treadmill 2 out of the 3 days, which I feel like is getting maybe, slightly, a tiny bit easier...

I think I've just been up and moving more in general lately.  Here's a couple of pics of my sister and I at a mud volleyball tournament to benefit the March of Dimes.  It was a lot of fun, and I had jelly legs for 3 solid days from trying to move in the mud!  The first one isn't actually our team, but I wanted you to see what the courts actually looked like.  They literally dug out some holes and filled with water!

So, I've given you a brief update, and now, I want to set some goals for myself.  

1. Continue C25k.  3x a week minimum exercise.

2. Increase general water consumption to a minimum of 50 oz a day.  Very doable I think.

3. STOP BUYING CHIPS!!!  As my WW leader would say, they are a RED light food.  There is no stopping me if they are in the house, so I just need to stop buying them.  Easier said then done lately, but this is the first step of kicking the habit. 

4. Check in and post at least 1x a week.  I'm not sure I can do more, though I still enjoy reading all of your posts, but I definitely need to check in one time each week.  

woo-woo! My band works!

Yep, it is Tuesday, official weigh-in day, and I'm kind of excited.  Do you see my ticker --->    Here's the stats:

Last week 302.8
 + 2.2 CC fill

This week 295.4!

Loss of 7.4 lbs!

Happy Dance - Happy Dance!!!

Now, I know that is not normal.  I know the band is slow and steady.  That's what I want.  I also know that this week includes 2 days of liquids after my fill.  I also know that on one of those liquid days, I counted a yummy blizz@rd treat as a "liquid."  Oops.  But my band works!  When I am sticking to those 3 meals of solid foods, I'm full at 1/2 - 2/3 cup of food.  Woo-HOO!

Just had to share.

P.S. - a friend of mine is currently in labor (10 wks early) with her twin boys.  Send out some good thoughts to whoever / wherever you send good thoughts so that both mom and babies are good!

Hello band.... it is nice to finally meet you!

Tuesday I got my 2nd fill.  Added 2.2 cc's to my 1.5 for the first, total 3.7.  Then liquids for 48 hours.  Real food today.  HOLY MOLY  is what I said both at lunch and dinner.  Apparently I have a band in there!  Most of the time I bring leftovers for lunch, but I spent the day in the car traveling for work, so I brought a homemade wrap (i.e. not a huge wrap.)  I made it about 1/2 to 2/3 and got pressure in the chest.  Well, that is new and different.

Dinner time - my mom asks me to meet her out for dinner.  I warn her at the beginning that it is my first day of real food, so "we'll see" what happens.  Got a 2 for 20 type meal which comes with an appetizer.  1.5 mozerella sticks and pressure.... really? 10 minutes later I got my meal and ate 1 1/2 of my riblets (the bbq rib version of the chicken strip) and HOLY CRAP.  Any pressure I've felt before was cake compared to this.  I got dizzy, was burping all over the place, trying for like 10 minutes to wish and hope and pray it would go down, but nope.  1st day of real food and first PB :-(  Felt brilliant after the bathroom trip, but I'm done for the night.

I spoke with a friend afterwards (naturally skinny, but SOOO on my side for this whole process) and she put it like this.  "you just had to find the edge!  Now you know and will stay away from it."  Amen.  I'm staying away from the edge.

But, I'm super excited that I really have a band.  I was beginning to think it was all an elaborate prank!

I'm still here!!!

Hello, my name is Sara, and I'm a bad banded blogger.  It has been more than 2 weeks since my last blog (confession.)

What can I say?  I'm not really going to focus on what's been going on, only to say it is less chaotic now.  Work is finally settling down for the first time in months, and my burn is finally just about healed.  I can even wear pants again :-)

I went to the doc today for my 2nd fill.  I needed it - both the fill and the visit.  When I was researching my surgeon, I kept coming up on people who said he wasn't that "nice."  I'm not a person who needs nice for this, I need somebody to call my bullshit, which is exactly what he did.  Nothing overtly mean, just said "I'm hearing lots of little rationalizations, which is not going to help us, only add up to bigger problems."  I am just now getting to the point that I can say I am truly addicted to foods, and I need someone who is okay with telling me these kind of things straight out.

With regards to the fill, I got another 2.2 cc's.  1.5 the first time so a total of 3.7.  I think the first time I was so nervous that I thought it was tighter than it was (my doc does the drink this water until you feel it way of adjusting).  I'm on liquids for 48 hours.

I am going to follow the rules.  I have been doing great with the not drinking, but have been choosing horrible foods.  I am aware.  I understand that the band is only a tool and now that life is not as crazy, I'm taking the time to really learn how to take advantage of this tool.

Checking in

Trying to check in more often, as I realize when I'm talking about my issues, I tend to make slightly better choices.

Last December I got to go to Jamaica for my cousin's wedding. It was fabulous!  Her photographers were very sneaky, and it is so funny that every 3 months or so, about 200 more pictures get put up on facebook.  Most of the time I run to untag, because let's face it, they are usually pretty darn hideous.  I was very surprised to see one this week, that wasn't horrible.  Usually I have 1 profile pic (Its on blogger as well) that I use.  Its actually from 2006, but I like it, and it is my "universal profile pic."  After the recent bout of wedding picts, I switched my profile picture! I do enjoy the attempt to cover my "chins."  I still have no eyes, mostly because my cheeks are large and in-charge, but overall, I'm happy with it.

Here's one more: 

I will admit to cropping the large belly out of the 2nd picture.. so sue me.


On to other, more painful things.  I went to the clinic Thursday morning after the big burn on Tuesday night.  I stopped by the pharmacy first and asked if there was anything over the counter that I could get, or if I needed to go to the clinic to get a prescription.  I am an obsessive researcher, and by this time, I was pretty certain it was a solid superficial 2nd degree (partial thickness burn).  She said I needed to go to the clinic.  I went, paid my $20 copay, got a prescription, paid $10.99 for that and realized it was the same damn thing I could get on the shelf!  The same units of "active ingredients" and everything!  GRRRR.

My burn looks gross.  Apparently 2nd degree burns look worse after a couple of days.  I have no problem with "icky" pictures, but be aware if you are squeamish.  I posted a pic of my burn the day after on Wednesday.  Here is what it looked like on Thursday.








Are you sure you want to look?

ICKY!  And of course, the first kiddo I see for therapy on Friday - kicks me - and busts half of my blisters.  GRR.  I'm finding it difficult to keep covered.  Official measurements 6.5 x 4.4 --- Its a fairly large area.  I bought some large surgical dressings but can't seem to find tape that will stick to my fatty stomach.  The burn is below my belly button - on the "pooch."  Right in the way of all my pants.  A zipper is a no go.  14-21 days to heal.  ICKY!  So I've been wearing maxi dresses / skirts for the last couple of days, and had to go buy another the other day just for variety.  It doesn't really hurt unless rubbed against, so if I just hang out, no problems.  I did attempt to tape it up with some athletic tape (on the borders of the dressing last night) so that I could go to the gym.  About 35 minutes in (just walking on treadmill) I had to give up.  Icky sweat made things rub and chafe and it was getting rather painful.  I'm not really sure what I should do.  I'm out of my aqua classes until it heals, and can't yet find a way to do land stuff.  I really am ready to get back on track, and I don't know that its going to happen for at least a few more days.  :-(  

Pasta is Dangerous & weekly weigh-in

So, 1st things first.  Last week I maintained.  This week I'm up again (+1.2).   :-(  It really sucks.  I do realize however, that I am pretty much not following the rules.  I don't have to take small bites, I can eat pretty much anything I want.  No issues.  Once or twice I've noticed something had had to slow down a bit, but nothing painful.  I've been a slacker at the gym.  I find excuses.  It is no good.  I realize this.

So yesterday, I had a revelation.  I was ready to go.  I texted my work out friend (who has been crazy stressed at work and not as able to meet me at the gym) that I was going at 7:15.  Going to hit the elipitcal / treadmill for 30 minute or so, and then meet her at yoga at 8.  I was ready.  I figured I would eat some dinner before hand (it was about 5:30).  So this is where the "pasta is dangerous" title comes in.  Obviously I know pasta isn't the greatest.  But it is easy to make and easy to measure, so I decided to have some for dinner.  Somewhere in my crazy mind, I had a klutzy / stupid / crazy mishap, and in trying to drain the pasta, poured half a pan of boiling water down the front of me.  On my stomach.  HOLY SHIT!  WTF! (I know I don't usually like cussing on here, but it was definitely a "colorful" set of words I used.  I threw down the pan, stripped the shirt off and ran to the bath / shower to try and get it cooled off.  It has blistered.  **At this point, if you are squeamish DO NOT SCROLL DOWN!**

While it looks much worse in person, I will point out that it is not as pink and somewhat brown in real life --- and has large blisters.  This is a pic taken this morning (sorry for my HIDEOUS Stomach!) over 12 hours later.  I am wearing a cotton maxi skirt kind of thing, because the idea of putting a zipper over this... NOT GOOD!  So in closing.  Not only is carby pasta bad for your diet, but it is also dangerous.  STAY AWAY!  This has been your PSA for today.  

Who fell off the face of the planet?!? Me!

It has been another long week(s).  I used to have a pretty slow moving life.  It seems like things have just been stressful and icky lately.  It is no good!  Work is still crazy.  I would like, just for a bit, to only have to do my job.  Right now, I'm juggling like 3 different jobs, and it is driving me crazy!  The other big thing is that for the last week-and-a-half I've been dog sitting for a friend of mine.  Now, normally, one would think that would not add a whole lot of stress.  However my counter top currently looks like this.

None of these meds are for me.  They are all for one of the two dog's I'm watching.  I've never had to deal with the loss of a pet (we didn't have pets growing up, and my dog is in excellent health), so I can't judge others.  All of these meds are for a 7 lb chihuahua.  She was a rescue, and has always been fragile.  She's been on meds for at least the last 4 years.   It has really gotten bad the last 2 years or so.  She has a doggie version of COPD, an enlarged heart, bad knees, and is now deaf.  However, she's not really in pain, eats her food, enjoys company with the other dogs, etc. Because of her health conditions she gets meds 3x daily.  Here's the list of instructions that came with the meds.

Needless to say, it is a lot of work! She did really good for the first week and a half I had her (my friend is in Ireland for 2 weeks) but on Tuesday night, she developed a nasty cough.  So I've had to up the meds, take her heart rate regularly, and sit on hold a lot with the vet to "report in."  My whole goal is to keep her healthy and living while my friend is gone.  It has been more difficult these last few days!


With regards to me and my band, things here are chugging along.  I actually maintained this week.  Which I'm good with since it was my icky TOM and I still really don't feel like I have any restriction.

Anyway, that is this week's story.  Really hoping things start calming down so I can blog a bit more often!

P.S.  IT is EFFIN' HOT here!  Going to be 106 tomorrow - and that is without the heat index (closer to 112-114)

TTT --- from a bad, bad, banded, blogger

It's been a while since I've posted... A lot of things have been happening, so I figured that a good TTT post was the best way to get all caught up!

1. I've been a bad blogger --- I'm sorry.  It seems as though I've dropped off the blogger bandwagon this week.  Haven't read most of the posts (until last night, when trying to catch up) and haven't blogged at all. :-(

2.  This means I didn't post my weight for this week.  I did weigh in, on Tuesday, at WW, but didn't post / change the ticker - It's not good -- new weight 297.4 (+ 2lbs) :-(  BOOO hsssssss  I'm going to change the ticker after I finish this long post.

3. I might try to make excuses for the weight gain, (salt, holding water, etc) but I'm pretty sure it was the cookie dough and mcdonald's that did it.  Yep, I ate McDonalds.  A full 10 pc nugget meal, with fries.  I was full at the end, but not really overly so.  I also went to Shogun yesterday with my officemate - I love hibatchi food, especially the rice, with all the yummy ginger dressing / sauces.  I know, rice = bad, and large portions of rice = even badder!  (I warned you in the title I've been a bad banded blogger!)

4.  I have still gone to the gym - Regularly.  At least 3 times a week. I think that is a positive.  I am starting to like the slightly sore "awareness" I have after my classes, and it is easier to swim the lap portions of my deep water class.

5. I just got an email notification that Lap Band Gal posted on last week's post asking about my MD appt today.  It makes me happy that I do have people that remember / care etc about how the process is going for me.  So THANK YOU!

6.  I did go to the MD this morning.  :-)  I have to give them my weekly weight card but then (probably because they don't trust us!) they weigh us there anyway.  When weighing at the doc's, I have to weigh with shoes on and fully clothed and everything --- It was sad because with everything on I saw that dreaded 3 in the first digit spot again!

7. At the doc (after the icky weigh in) I got my first fill!  After reading all of your experiences, I kind of had an idea of what it might be like, but had no idea how conservative / protocol based my doc was with regards to fill.  Happy to say that he is very individualized.  After the nurse put me in the room and got things set up, she left, and I took pictures :-)

Here is the whole setup - Cotton balls already soaking with "cleaning" fluid as my doc said and syringe "pre-loaded"

Up close and personal with the pre-loaded syringe - up to 6CC's (NOT how much I got!

So the doc came in and asked me how things were going - Then I laid down on the table while he felt for the port.  He asked me to do a little crunch and to hold it while he got the needle in the center of the port.  I didn't even feel the stick.  Once the needle was solidly in the port, I swung my legs around and sat up (yes, while the needle was hanging out).  Doc gave me a big glass of water and told me to drink a sip first to make sure all is well.  Then just start drinking and tell him when I feel it up in my chest.  I drink, and then tell him when.  While I'm drinking, he's adding fluid.  Once we get to the neighborhood, as he calls it (first neighborhood, then street, then house), he took a little out and asked me to tell him when everything went through again.  Back and forth with this a couple of times to make sure we were at the right spot.  Then he took out the needle, gave me a bandaid and told me I had to finish the cup of water before I could leave.  Also warned me to make sure everything goes down smoothly as "it will not get better after you leave the office."  I've read enough to know that is true!

After he left (while I was drinking water --- did I mention how I HATE plain water) I snapped another pic of the now slightly used needle. (Hopefully the nurse came in later to put it in the sharps container!)

Afterwards - looks like 4.0 left to me :-)

So, from 6CC's to 4CC's, that means 2CC's in my band to me, but on the checkout form, he wrote 1.5CC's.... Hmmm... No worries.

8. So now I'm back on liquids for 48 hours... mmmm (or not). 

9.  I have a date with 2 friends (my closest friend at work, and her closest not-at-work-friend) for a ladies night on Saturday night.  Guess what we are seeing :-)  We are doing dinner at the Melting pot (after my 48 hour liquids) and then going to see Magic Mike.  I don't know if any of you all have a melting pot in your town, but it is fantastic!  It is a fondue place, so I think it is actually really band friendly (though expensive).  You cook everything one bite at a time.  LOTS of time in between bites.  And since you are sharing the meats / breads (okay steak and bread are not usually band friendly, but we'll just see how it goes) with the others at your table, it doesn't look like you haven't eaten anything!  

10. My first TTT thing in a LOOONNNNGGG time.  I think my attention span prohibits me from sitting and writing long posts all at once.  Plus I usually end up blogging at home, at night, where I fall asleep.  Right now it is "break week" on campus --- so no students :-)  It is like a week of planning time which is a nice break after the heck that I've put up with for the 3 weeks before - so I figure taking some time out to blog - not a horrible thing ;-)

Weekly Weigh in and other tidbits

Last week weight - 296.6
This week weight - 295.4
Loss of 1.2 lbs!

Woo-hoo! Yes, I know it is only a little tiny 1.2 lbs, but I was starting to get really nervous. I lost a ton the week of pre-op and the week of surgery, and then its been up, up, up since then. Only 2 weeks of gains, but I really wanted to get back on track before I gained back what I'd lost! So I was back to tracking this week, and managed to get to the gym at least 3 times.
I meet up with a friend of mine. She is a petite woman, but has joint issues (has had back / shoulder surgery). I'm pretty healthy, but the opposite of petite, so we work well together. We were doing Aqua Zumba, but realized that we weren't really getting as much as we needed out of the class any more so, we've started some Yoga classes. It is at the YMCA, so not crazy, but definitely harder than the aqua class! I have dreams of looking like this ---

Instead --- the class ends up going something like this -

I think it is going to be good for me though.  I get the nice sore feeling for the 2 days afterwards, just in time to go back again, and I know how important building muscle is... so I'm in for a while at least!

I go back to the band doc next Thursday, I cannot wait!  

I'm still here - Bullet Point Blogging

I really was planning on doing a Ten Things Thursday,  I had half of it written, but most nights this week, I've fallen asleep.  Fast.  Hard.  Usually with the TV on, sometimes with the lap top still on my lap.  So, while I realize it is no longer Thursday, I'm feeling the need for some bullet points.

• It has been a crazy week.  My partner in crime (the other full time faculty member) is back from vacation this week, but my boss is still out.  She had a hernia repair 2 weeks ago.  Was supposed to be laproscopic, but ended up being an open surgery.  Now the site is infected.  I was told that I am pretty much the head of the dept until she comes back.  This comes with reports, meetings, and lots of following up with students.  This is fine if it is my only job, but I'm still teaching and next week is finals so I have a TON of grading to get caught up on.  Plus have a class starting clinicals in like 3 months that I have not even started to place!  Boss is supposed to be back this week... i'm keeping my fingers crossed!
• I weighed in on Tuesday, like I'm supposed to but just changed my ticker today.  Up 1.6.  Last week was the first week of "NO restriction eating." I had 4 days before I buckled down and made some new goals.  I think it could have been worse.  
• Re: my goals from last week.  I have worked out 3/4 days I was planning on.  I ended up having to help my mom pick up / drop off car which, plus had meetings for a non-profit I'm on the board for.  Basically, I didn't get home before 8:30 any night this week and I really had to get grading for school done.  NO extra time.  I did 2 hours of yard work - Mowed the grass and then cleaned up behind the shed.  I didn't take a before shot, and really should have, but I think it is much better now! What you can't see in the first picture is that I've already cut off the 2 inch diameter vines that were growing THROUGH my fence (you might be able to see a nub).  It took me a bit to cut through them (with a bow saw) and get them cut up small enough to go out with yard waste.  I am surrounded on all 3 sides by people who refuse to take care of their yard!  GRR

• I am in the process of trying to finish some projects at my house.  My bedroom has no decor, and no paint on the wall other than ugly used-to-be-white-in-probably-1970.  I have a groupon that is going to expire in July for a professional group to come in and paint a room.  I say, I need my bedroom to look like a grown up's bedroom.  So, I called a friend that is MUCH better at decor than I am, and we set out to look for new bedding (and then eventually new paint.)  I found my ideal bedding (after a couple of hours of looking). It was 50% off.  It was meant to be.  Until nobody had a queen size in stock.  I mean NOBODY.  The (new) sales clerk said I could order it online.  Great.  I am usually anti-credit card, but for this purpose, I was planning on opening the card, getting the additional 20% off (which pretty much pays for the cute decorative pillows) and then paying off in cash.  Went downstairs to apply for credit card.  Approved.  Went to kiosk to order queen size online.  NO QUEEN SIZE!  So now, I have a credit card I didn't really want, and no bedding, which makes me MAD, and really sad (b/c I loved it).  If you remember my very first TTT (found here), pay attention to #8.  I'm a crier.  For lots of reasons, for no reasons at all.  I made it out of the store, but might have had a little meltdown in the parking lot.  I feel bad for my friend, who knows I'm crazy, but is still not really used to it.  I'm now debating on getting the king size comforter (sheets are sold separately) to see if the overhang is too much.

• Re: my current eating.  I actually went out to eat twice in the last couple of days.  I think I'm doing pretty well.  Lunch at a sandwich place where I ordered a 1/2 of a chicken caesar wrap (sub light ranch instead of caesar dressing) and a baked potato.  Ate 2/3 of the 1/2 of the chicken wrap and maybe 6 bites of the potato.  Then went to another place with family yesterday.  Chicken sandwich (minus mayo) and a splurge on sweet potato fries.  Ate 1/2 of the sandwich and 1/2 to 2/3 of the fries.  Ate the rest of the sandwich this morning.  While I know it is probably more than the 1 cup I'm allowed, with no real restriction, this is a big deal for me.  And with both I had maybe 2 sips of water.  That seems like its going to be the hardest part, and I'm really trying to practice.
• My doc's office called this week re: my scheduled (first fill) appt on the 26th.  I was originally supposed to come back in two weeks (which would be this upcoming week), but there was no room, so I was scheduled for the 26th.  Now my doc has to be out, and I got moved to the 28th.  Don't these people know I have goals to meet and need some help!  GRRR

So- that's my story.  Some TTT, some WTF, a whole lot of info.  Congrats if you made it through it all!  Hopefully I'll get a chance to blog more frequently this week, so that it won't be a novel next time!

Struggling with old habits

In the past, I have been an all or nothing type of dieter.  I did the south beach diet, and did fine eliminating all carbs.  As soon as I was allowed to "slowly integrate more carbs" I went crazy.  I have a very hard time with moderation when it comes to foods.  Carbs in particular.  This is rather interesting for me, because in EVERY other part of my life, I am a permanent  fence sitter - queen of moderation.  This just leads me to think that it truly is a food addiction I'm dealing with.  I had an OB-GYN that told me once I had an addictive personality, and I got so mad at her that I left the practice and told everybody I knew that I wasn't a fan.  Not my proudest moment, but sometimes the truth hurts.

Since I was released to normal foods, I've found myself in a similar situation.  I was a real stickler to all the pre-op and direct post op instructions.  But now that I have permission - I seem to have gone off the crazy end!  I have absolutely no trouble eating pretty much anything.  Ate 3 pieces of ciabatta bread with olive oil dipping (my favorite) in one sitting with no trouble at all.  Didn't even really have to take smaller bites or chew it all that much.

So I find myself almost in the exact position I was before I started this journey.  I really do not want to be one of those people that complains that the band failed.  I have seen that it works, but I have read enough blogs to know that you really have to work at it.  I'm kind of scared I'm not up to the task.  I'm back to tracking points for WW (since that is my wkly weigh in anyway) and hoping that I can at least maintain for the next 3 weeks until I go back for my first fill.

I also wanted to publicly state a few goals I'm working on.  I posted a list before of the NSV I'm looking forward too, but none of them had any specifics.  So here's the goals I have in mind.

1st long term goal  - Be down to 250 by November 10th.  I just booked myself a solo cruise to the Caribbean and I really want to be well on my way to a better me by that time.  250 will allow me to do any of the excursions I want, with lbs for clothes and a few to spare.  It will also be just under 75 lbs loss from my highest (started at 324). This means 45 lbs in 5 months.  It is a tough goal but achievable.  It is not going to be easy and this is especially why I need to maintain the loss I've had this month up to this point.  I cannot afford to go backwards anymore.

Weekly goals:

• Work out at least 4x this week.  - I have "appts" for 3 days with a friend of mine, but the 4th, I'm going to have to do on my own. 
• Track what I am eating.  I managed to lose 35 lbs this way last year.  Without any band.  I know it is possible if I just stay with the numbers.
• Drink some water!  At least 60 oz daily.  I'm a horrible water drinker - always have been.  I am going to have to work my way up to anything more than 60.  

I've been pondering this post for a couple days and almost didn't post it, but I think that it would hurt me.  I mean, this is why I started this to begin with.  For accountability.  So here it is.  

Thanks for letting me vent!

3 more weeks of will power for me :-(

I went in for my 2 week follow up.  I had heard through the grapevine (my friend who is a previous patient at the same office) that they might consider doing a small fill (she got one at her first follow up).  Nope.  No fill for me.  :-( BOOOO.  The last 3-4 days I'm realizing I'm very hungry, and unfortunately, the job this month does not allow for small meals any more frequently than 4-5 hours.  So I am just getting really good at apologizing for my loud-ass stomach.  It's growling is downright embarrassing.  I keep thinking its telling me "Feed me, Seymour!" 

I did get approval to go to regular foods as tolerated.  Still eating small portions, still chewing like crazy, but permission to pretty much start trying whatever I'd like.  I'm happy about that. 

I'll start off by saying my doc is very relaxed when it comes to the program.  I got one sheet today of instructions and he even told me " Look and see that it does not say anything about specific types of food, no mention of carbs or proteins or fats.  It is liquids vs solids -  No liquids! only solids." per the paper, a liquid is anything you can't eat with a fork.  So no more cottage cheese, no more oatmeal, no more soups or cream of wheat.  Biggest thing I'm going to miss -  Milk.  I'm a milk fan through and through.  Maybe it is because I was born in Wisconsin.  It is in my blood.  And he says absolutely no liquids with any calories.  I'm thinking 1 glass of milk a day isn't a big deal as long as it is not during or right after a meal, right? I mean, I drink fat free skim... I needs my milk!  Going down to 1 glass is already cutting back significantly!

I was told to come back in 2 weeks and we'd talk about a first fill.  Yeah!  Until I got to the front desk and they said that my doc has NO openings that week.  So I got pushed back to the following week.  Almost 3 solid weeks before going back.  3 solid weeks of this will power crap.  I know it is only 3 weeks,  I can do anything for a short period of time, but obviously if I had a ton of will power sitting around, I wouldn't be in this spot to start with! 

Week 2 Weigh in

Went to WW tonight with sister #2 and actually gained a bit.  I knew it was coming.  I mean, I lost 11.4 lbs last week.  That can't have been actual loss.  Had to be some water issues / etc.  This week is also TOM, which, like I said yesterday has never, never been a good week for me.  I realize I'm still at the beginning of this journey (and I have a LONG journey ahead of me) so I'm taking it in stride.  I have been walking, but am starting back up at the Y tomorrow (my doc says exercise as tolerated).  Figured I'd start back with my water classes first now that everything is closed and pretty close to healed.  I'd like to add in some weights in a bit, and I really want to try some yoga.  I'm a hotdog on a stick with regards to my flexibility... as in, I have none.  In fact, when I sit on the ground with my little kids I lose circulation in my legs fairly quickly.  I'd like to "loosen things up."  Planning on starting small and working my way up.

I go tomorrow to my doc for my 2 week check up.  Will update after then.