About Me

My name is Sara and I am on the quest for a better me! I was banded on May 23, 2012. Come join along and help me stay accountable!

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Struggling with old habits

In the past, I have been an all or nothing type of dieter.  I did the south beach diet, and did fine eliminating all carbs.  As soon as I was allowed to "slowly integrate more carbs" I went crazy.  I have a very hard time with moderation when it comes to foods.  Carbs in particular.  This is rather interesting for me, because in EVERY other part of my life, I am a permanent  fence sitter - queen of moderation.  This just leads me to think that it truly is a food addiction I'm dealing with.  I had an OB-GYN that told me once I had an addictive personality, and I got so mad at her that I left the practice and told everybody I knew that I wasn't a fan.  Not my proudest moment, but sometimes the truth hurts.

Since I was released to normal foods, I've found myself in a similar situation.  I was a real stickler to all the pre-op and direct post op instructions.  But now that I have permission - I seem to have gone off the crazy end!  I have absolutely no trouble eating pretty much anything.  Ate 3 pieces of ciabatta bread with olive oil dipping (my favorite) in one sitting with no trouble at all.  Didn't even really have to take smaller bites or chew it all that much.

So I find myself almost in the exact position I was before I started this journey.  I really do not want to be one of those people that complains that the band failed.  I have seen that it works, but I have read enough blogs to know that you really have to work at it.  I'm kind of scared I'm not up to the task.  I'm back to tracking points for WW (since that is my wkly weigh in anyway) and hoping that I can at least maintain for the next 3 weeks until I go back for my first fill.

I also wanted to publicly state a few goals I'm working on.  I posted a list before of the NSV I'm looking forward too, but none of them had any specifics.  So here's the goals I have in mind.

1st long term goal  - Be down to 250 by November 10th.  I just booked myself a solo cruise to the Caribbean and I really want to be well on my way to a better me by that time.  250 will allow me to do any of the excursions I want, with lbs for clothes and a few to spare.  It will also be just under 75 lbs loss from my highest (started at 324). This means 45 lbs in 5 months.  It is a tough goal but achievable.  It is not going to be easy and this is especially why I need to maintain the loss I've had this month up to this point.  I cannot afford to go backwards anymore.

Weekly goals:

  • Work out at least 4x this week.  - I have "appts" for 3 days with a friend of mine, but the 4th, I'm going to have to do on my own. 
  • Track what I am eating.  I managed to lose 35 lbs this way last year.  Without any band.  I know it is possible if I just stay with the numbers.
  • Drink some water!  At least 60 oz daily.  I'm a horrible water drinker - always have been.  I am going to have to work my way up to anything more than 60.  
I've been pondering this post for a couple days and almost didn't post it, but I think that it would hurt me.  I mean, this is why I started this to begin with.  For accountability.  So here it is.  

Thanks for letting me vent!
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5 comments:

  1. jennxazJune 11, 2012 at 9:22 AM

    I thought the same as you until I felt restriction. It took me 4 fills and a few months but I am finally there and the restriction renews hope that yes you can, because you can't eat as much and you are not as hungry...you are still in the training stages. You should be practicing smaller bites, chew 20 times each bite, put your fork down, only eat 1 cup at a time....even if you can eat more PRACTICE. Restriction will come and you will be ready..good luck and don't give up...love your plan

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  2. The Dandy BandyJune 11, 2012 at 11:59 AM

    Awesome goals, and sooo glad you posted this! Usually the times you don't want to is the time you need to the most. My old WW leader used to say that. "The weeks that you don't want to come, You had a bad week, you went over your points, you just know you are going to gain, you are mad at yourself. Those are the MOST important weeks to come!"

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  3. Michelle June 16, 2012 at 5:31 PM

    I'm with ya sara... I thought I put old Michelle to rest, but hell no. I have tried to eat and have had no issues or restrictions at all either. Here is waiting for June 26th........

    I'm logging everything in MFP to stay accountable and working out alot, I know I'm eating more than 1 cup this past week,

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  4. Michelle June 17, 2012 at 6:50 AM

    Hi it's me again.... I just wanted to also say I'm proud of you for hitting send... People need to know the struggles and the success.

    I'm just in a place right now waiting on my fill and personally kinda pissed off, that I eve have to wait. As soon as that office knows we have healed and are now widen open, we should be a priority. Get in right away. Would you throw some cocaine at an addict in rehab, NO .... But that is what we are fighting now.

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    Replies
    1. SaraJune 17, 2012 at 7:52 PM

      I was explaining this "bandster hell" phenomenon to my dad this morning (over breakfast at IHOP, no less), and he asked, why would they not fill you up as soon as you are healed? why wait so long? I really had no good answer except they want to make SURE you are really healed.... Do you know why?

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