TTT --- from a bad, bad, banded, blogger

It's been a while since I've posted... A lot of things have been happening, so I figured that a good TTT post was the best way to get all caught up!

1. I've been a bad blogger --- I'm sorry.  It seems as though I've dropped off the blogger bandwagon this week.  Haven't read most of the posts (until last night, when trying to catch up) and haven't blogged at all. :-(

2.  This means I didn't post my weight for this week.  I did weigh in, on Tuesday, at WW, but didn't post / change the ticker - It's not good -- new weight 297.4 (+ 2lbs) :-(  BOOO hsssssss  I'm going to change the ticker after I finish this long post.

3. I might try to make excuses for the weight gain, (salt, holding water, etc) but I'm pretty sure it was the cookie dough and mcdonald's that did it.  Yep, I ate McDonalds.  A full 10 pc nugget meal, with fries.  I was full at the end, but not really overly so.  I also went to Shogun yesterday with my officemate - I love hibatchi food, especially the rice, with all the yummy ginger dressing / sauces.  I know, rice = bad, and large portions of rice = even badder!  (I warned you in the title I've been a bad banded blogger!)

4.  I have still gone to the gym - Regularly.  At least 3 times a week. I think that is a positive.  I am starting to like the slightly sore "awareness" I have after my classes, and it is easier to swim the lap portions of my deep water class.

5. I just got an email notification that Lap Band Gal posted on last week's post asking about my MD appt today.  It makes me happy that I do have people that remember / care etc about how the process is going for me.  So THANK YOU!

6.  I did go to the MD this morning.  :-)  I have to give them my weekly weight card but then (probably because they don't trust us!) they weigh us there anyway.  When weighing at the doc's, I have to weigh with shoes on and fully clothed and everything --- It was sad because with everything on I saw that dreaded 3 in the first digit spot again!

7. At the doc (after the icky weigh in) I got my first fill!  After reading all of your experiences, I kind of had an idea of what it might be like, but had no idea how conservative / protocol based my doc was with regards to fill.  Happy to say that he is very individualized.  After the nurse put me in the room and got things set up, she left, and I took pictures :-)

Here is the whole setup - Cotton balls already soaking with "cleaning" fluid as my doc said and syringe "pre-loaded"

Up close and personal with the pre-loaded syringe - up to 6CC's (NOT how much I got!

So the doc came in and asked me how things were going - Then I laid down on the table while he felt for the port.  He asked me to do a little crunch and to hold it while he got the needle in the center of the port.  I didn't even feel the stick.  Once the needle was solidly in the port, I swung my legs around and sat up (yes, while the needle was hanging out).  Doc gave me a big glass of water and told me to drink a sip first to make sure all is well.  Then just start drinking and tell him when I feel it up in my chest.  I drink, and then tell him when.  While I'm drinking, he's adding fluid.  Once we get to the neighborhood, as he calls it (first neighborhood, then street, then house), he took a little out and asked me to tell him when everything went through again.  Back and forth with this a couple of times to make sure we were at the right spot.  Then he took out the needle, gave me a bandaid and told me I had to finish the cup of water before I could leave.  Also warned me to make sure everything goes down smoothly as "it will not get better after you leave the office."  I've read enough to know that is true!

After he left (while I was drinking water --- did I mention how I HATE plain water) I snapped another pic of the now slightly used needle. (Hopefully the nurse came in later to put it in the sharps container!)

Afterwards - looks like 4.0 left to me :-)

So, from 6CC's to 4CC's, that means 2CC's in my band to me, but on the checkout form, he wrote 1.5CC's.... Hmmm... No worries.

8. So now I'm back on liquids for 48 hours... mmmm (or not). 

9.  I have a date with 2 friends (my closest friend at work, and her closest not-at-work-friend) for a ladies night on Saturday night.  Guess what we are seeing :-)  We are doing dinner at the Melting pot (after my 48 hour liquids) and then going to see Magic Mike.  I don't know if any of you all have a melting pot in your town, but it is fantastic!  It is a fondue place, so I think it is actually really band friendly (though expensive).  You cook everything one bite at a time.  LOTS of time in between bites.  And since you are sharing the meats / breads (okay steak and bread are not usually band friendly, but we'll just see how it goes) with the others at your table, it doesn't look like you haven't eaten anything!  

10. My first TTT thing in a LOOONNNNGGG time.  I think my attention span prohibits me from sitting and writing long posts all at once.  Plus I usually end up blogging at home, at night, where I fall asleep.  Right now it is "break week" on campus --- so no students :-)  It is like a week of planning time which is a nice break after the heck that I've put up with for the 3 weeks before - so I figure taking some time out to blog - not a horrible thing ;-)

Weekly Weigh in and other tidbits

Last week weight - 296.6
This week weight - 295.4
Loss of 1.2 lbs!

Woo-hoo! Yes, I know it is only a little tiny 1.2 lbs, but I was starting to get really nervous. I lost a ton the week of pre-op and the week of surgery, and then its been up, up, up since then. Only 2 weeks of gains, but I really wanted to get back on track before I gained back what I'd lost! So I was back to tracking this week, and managed to get to the gym at least 3 times.
I meet up with a friend of mine. She is a petite woman, but has joint issues (has had back / shoulder surgery). I'm pretty healthy, but the opposite of petite, so we work well together. We were doing Aqua Zumba, but realized that we weren't really getting as much as we needed out of the class any more so, we've started some Yoga classes. It is at the YMCA, so not crazy, but definitely harder than the aqua class! I have dreams of looking like this ---

Instead --- the class ends up going something like this -

I think it is going to be good for me though.  I get the nice sore feeling for the 2 days afterwards, just in time to go back again, and I know how important building muscle is... so I'm in for a while at least!

I go back to the band doc next Thursday, I cannot wait!  

I'm still here - Bullet Point Blogging

I really was planning on doing a Ten Things Thursday,  I had half of it written, but most nights this week, I've fallen asleep.  Fast.  Hard.  Usually with the TV on, sometimes with the lap top still on my lap.  So, while I realize it is no longer Thursday, I'm feeling the need for some bullet points.

• It has been a crazy week.  My partner in crime (the other full time faculty member) is back from vacation this week, but my boss is still out.  She had a hernia repair 2 weeks ago.  Was supposed to be laproscopic, but ended up being an open surgery.  Now the site is infected.  I was told that I am pretty much the head of the dept until she comes back.  This comes with reports, meetings, and lots of following up with students.  This is fine if it is my only job, but I'm still teaching and next week is finals so I have a TON of grading to get caught up on.  Plus have a class starting clinicals in like 3 months that I have not even started to place!  Boss is supposed to be back this week... i'm keeping my fingers crossed!
• I weighed in on Tuesday, like I'm supposed to but just changed my ticker today.  Up 1.6.  Last week was the first week of "NO restriction eating." I had 4 days before I buckled down and made some new goals.  I think it could have been worse.  
• Re: my goals from last week.  I have worked out 3/4 days I was planning on.  I ended up having to help my mom pick up / drop off car which, plus had meetings for a non-profit I'm on the board for.  Basically, I didn't get home before 8:30 any night this week and I really had to get grading for school done.  NO extra time.  I did 2 hours of yard work - Mowed the grass and then cleaned up behind the shed.  I didn't take a before shot, and really should have, but I think it is much better now! What you can't see in the first picture is that I've already cut off the 2 inch diameter vines that were growing THROUGH my fence (you might be able to see a nub).  It took me a bit to cut through them (with a bow saw) and get them cut up small enough to go out with yard waste.  I am surrounded on all 3 sides by people who refuse to take care of their yard!  GRR

• I am in the process of trying to finish some projects at my house.  My bedroom has no decor, and no paint on the wall other than ugly used-to-be-white-in-probably-1970.  I have a groupon that is going to expire in July for a professional group to come in and paint a room.  I say, I need my bedroom to look like a grown up's bedroom.  So, I called a friend that is MUCH better at decor than I am, and we set out to look for new bedding (and then eventually new paint.)  I found my ideal bedding (after a couple of hours of looking). It was 50% off.  It was meant to be.  Until nobody had a queen size in stock.  I mean NOBODY.  The (new) sales clerk said I could order it online.  Great.  I am usually anti-credit card, but for this purpose, I was planning on opening the card, getting the additional 20% off (which pretty much pays for the cute decorative pillows) and then paying off in cash.  Went downstairs to apply for credit card.  Approved.  Went to kiosk to order queen size online.  NO QUEEN SIZE!  So now, I have a credit card I didn't really want, and no bedding, which makes me MAD, and really sad (b/c I loved it).  If you remember my very first TTT (found here), pay attention to #8.  I'm a crier.  For lots of reasons, for no reasons at all.  I made it out of the store, but might have had a little meltdown in the parking lot.  I feel bad for my friend, who knows I'm crazy, but is still not really used to it.  I'm now debating on getting the king size comforter (sheets are sold separately) to see if the overhang is too much.

• Re: my current eating.  I actually went out to eat twice in the last couple of days.  I think I'm doing pretty well.  Lunch at a sandwich place where I ordered a 1/2 of a chicken caesar wrap (sub light ranch instead of caesar dressing) and a baked potato.  Ate 2/3 of the 1/2 of the chicken wrap and maybe 6 bites of the potato.  Then went to another place with family yesterday.  Chicken sandwich (minus mayo) and a splurge on sweet potato fries.  Ate 1/2 of the sandwich and 1/2 to 2/3 of the fries.  Ate the rest of the sandwich this morning.  While I know it is probably more than the 1 cup I'm allowed, with no real restriction, this is a big deal for me.  And with both I had maybe 2 sips of water.  That seems like its going to be the hardest part, and I'm really trying to practice.
• My doc's office called this week re: my scheduled (first fill) appt on the 26th.  I was originally supposed to come back in two weeks (which would be this upcoming week), but there was no room, so I was scheduled for the 26th.  Now my doc has to be out, and I got moved to the 28th.  Don't these people know I have goals to meet and need some help!  GRRR

So- that's my story.  Some TTT, some WTF, a whole lot of info.  Congrats if you made it through it all!  Hopefully I'll get a chance to blog more frequently this week, so that it won't be a novel next time!

Struggling with old habits

In the past, I have been an all or nothing type of dieter.  I did the south beach diet, and did fine eliminating all carbs.  As soon as I was allowed to "slowly integrate more carbs" I went crazy.  I have a very hard time with moderation when it comes to foods.  Carbs in particular.  This is rather interesting for me, because in EVERY other part of my life, I am a permanent  fence sitter - queen of moderation.  This just leads me to think that it truly is a food addiction I'm dealing with.  I had an OB-GYN that told me once I had an addictive personality, and I got so mad at her that I left the practice and told everybody I knew that I wasn't a fan.  Not my proudest moment, but sometimes the truth hurts.

Since I was released to normal foods, I've found myself in a similar situation.  I was a real stickler to all the pre-op and direct post op instructions.  But now that I have permission - I seem to have gone off the crazy end!  I have absolutely no trouble eating pretty much anything.  Ate 3 pieces of ciabatta bread with olive oil dipping (my favorite) in one sitting with no trouble at all.  Didn't even really have to take smaller bites or chew it all that much.

So I find myself almost in the exact position I was before I started this journey.  I really do not want to be one of those people that complains that the band failed.  I have seen that it works, but I have read enough blogs to know that you really have to work at it.  I'm kind of scared I'm not up to the task.  I'm back to tracking points for WW (since that is my wkly weigh in anyway) and hoping that I can at least maintain for the next 3 weeks until I go back for my first fill.

I also wanted to publicly state a few goals I'm working on.  I posted a list before of the NSV I'm looking forward too, but none of them had any specifics.  So here's the goals I have in mind.

1st long term goal  - Be down to 250 by November 10th.  I just booked myself a solo cruise to the Caribbean and I really want to be well on my way to a better me by that time.  250 will allow me to do any of the excursions I want, with lbs for clothes and a few to spare.  It will also be just under 75 lbs loss from my highest (started at 324). This means 45 lbs in 5 months.  It is a tough goal but achievable.  It is not going to be easy and this is especially why I need to maintain the loss I've had this month up to this point.  I cannot afford to go backwards anymore.

Weekly goals:

• Work out at least 4x this week.  - I have "appts" for 3 days with a friend of mine, but the 4th, I'm going to have to do on my own. 
• Track what I am eating.  I managed to lose 35 lbs this way last year.  Without any band.  I know it is possible if I just stay with the numbers.
• Drink some water!  At least 60 oz daily.  I'm a horrible water drinker - always have been.  I am going to have to work my way up to anything more than 60.  

I've been pondering this post for a couple days and almost didn't post it, but I think that it would hurt me.  I mean, this is why I started this to begin with.  For accountability.  So here it is.  

Thanks for letting me vent!

3 more weeks of will power for me :-(

I went in for my 2 week follow up.  I had heard through the grapevine (my friend who is a previous patient at the same office) that they might consider doing a small fill (she got one at her first follow up).  Nope.  No fill for me.  :-( BOOOO.  The last 3-4 days I'm realizing I'm very hungry, and unfortunately, the job this month does not allow for small meals any more frequently than 4-5 hours.  So I am just getting really good at apologizing for my loud-ass stomach.  It's growling is downright embarrassing.  I keep thinking its telling me "Feed me, Seymour!" 

I did get approval to go to regular foods as tolerated.  Still eating small portions, still chewing like crazy, but permission to pretty much start trying whatever I'd like.  I'm happy about that. 

I'll start off by saying my doc is very relaxed when it comes to the program.  I got one sheet today of instructions and he even told me " Look and see that it does not say anything about specific types of food, no mention of carbs or proteins or fats.  It is liquids vs solids -  No liquids! only solids." per the paper, a liquid is anything you can't eat with a fork.  So no more cottage cheese, no more oatmeal, no more soups or cream of wheat.  Biggest thing I'm going to miss -  Milk.  I'm a milk fan through and through.  Maybe it is because I was born in Wisconsin.  It is in my blood.  And he says absolutely no liquids with any calories.  I'm thinking 1 glass of milk a day isn't a big deal as long as it is not during or right after a meal, right? I mean, I drink fat free skim... I needs my milk!  Going down to 1 glass is already cutting back significantly!

I was told to come back in 2 weeks and we'd talk about a first fill.  Yeah!  Until I got to the front desk and they said that my doc has NO openings that week.  So I got pushed back to the following week.  Almost 3 solid weeks before going back.  3 solid weeks of this will power crap.  I know it is only 3 weeks,  I can do anything for a short period of time, but obviously if I had a ton of will power sitting around, I wouldn't be in this spot to start with! 

Week 2 Weigh in

Went to WW tonight with sister #2 and actually gained a bit.  I knew it was coming.  I mean, I lost 11.4 lbs last week.  That can't have been actual loss.  Had to be some water issues / etc.  This week is also TOM, which, like I said yesterday has never, never been a good week for me.  I realize I'm still at the beginning of this journey (and I have a LONG journey ahead of me) so I'm taking it in stride.  I have been walking, but am starting back up at the Y tomorrow (my doc says exercise as tolerated).  Figured I'd start back with my water classes first now that everything is closed and pretty close to healed.  I'd like to add in some weights in a bit, and I really want to try some yoga.  I'm a hotdog on a stick with regards to my flexibility... as in, I have none.  In fact, when I sit on the ground with my little kids I lose circulation in my legs fairly quickly.  I'd like to "loosen things up."  Planning on starting small and working my way up.

I go tomorrow to my doc for my 2 week check up.  Will update after then.

A quick little update

I go in for my 2 week check up on Wednesday.  I'm hoping things get the okay.  I finally got crazy annoyed with the steri strips and "helped" them off at the end of last week.  I used to work with a lot of therapeutic tape, and it was pretty easy to get them off.  Most look like they are really healing well.  I have one that is still a bit swollen and bruised around it, and my port incision is a little pink for about a 2 inch circle around it.  I'm hoping its not the start of an infection.  There is absolutely no leakage, and it looks like its healing well, just pink around the outside.  we'll see.

I've heard through other patients of my doc's that if things are healing well, he will promote you more quickly through the food stages and might even do a tiny fill at your two week checkup.  Can I help it that I might be a little excited about that?  Over the last 2-3 days I feel like I am starting to really develop some hunger.  My stomach is being super loud and growly.  I'm still eating only about a 1/3 - 1/2 cup per meal, and I feel full afterwards, but I'm getting growly not long after.  I may or may not have eaten a mozzerella stick the other day.  They are my absolute favorite.  I took itty-bitty tiny bites and chewed, and chewed, and chewed.  No issues. I have noticed that I seem to be able to eat more / different foods than are on my prescribed list and really don't feel anything, any different than pre-band.  I do get full much much quicker, which I like but somehow I thought it would "feel different."  This is why I'm anxious to get moving towards getting a fill.  I don't want to slide back to bad behaviors and if nothing feels different, I'm sure I will.

My weigh in day is tomorrow, but based on unofficials, its definitely not going to be an 11lb lose like last week.  I knew it wouldn't.  It would scare me to lose that fast.  And its TOM this week, which never = loss for me, even when I was rocking WW in the beginning.

In other news, I'm ready for this week / month to be over.  For the May and June, I am doing 2 jobs at work, teaching a class and still doing clinicals.   On top of that, this week my boss and the other professor are both out of the office.  So it is me, myself and I (and one part time faculty member) running the department this week.  Hoping for no craziness to occur, but somehow doubting that will happen!